A Jen Too Many

Well, well, well. Guess who signed my guestbook at *one of the many high school reconnect sites*?

Back in 5th grade my family picked up and moved to another state. I wasn't wildly thrilled to move - I left my best friend behind and thought I'd never be happy again - but I started to adjust. Happily for me, a few weeks after school started a new family, with a girl my age, moved into our ward*. Better yet, the girl was going to the same school I was going to. A friend, a friend! We would be best friends and spend all our time together, and have lots and lots of fun! I was so excited.

Yeah. Not really.

We got along OK. For a while. I'm not sure what caused the change, but before long she started picking on me. She got other kids involved. Eventually I found that I had no friends at all, not at school, not at church. People would get up and move away if I sat down by them. People threw things at me, yelled names at me - and here's the kicker: blamed me for the way they were treating me. It was all because I was weird, they said, too weird to be treated like a human being.

She kept this up for five years, the entire time we lived in that town. Anyone new was warned that if they befriended me they'd get the same treatment I was getting. Even going on to junior high school didn't help - she spread more poison there. By the time we moved, I had given up hope, was convinced no-one would ever love or be friends with me, and I was even considering suicide.

Now, please understand - all this is absolutely ancient history now. I don't hurt over those things, and I don't even feel angry with her. I forgave her a long time ago.

Those experiences had a huge impact in making me who I am, though, for good as well as bad, and I've thought about her several times over the years, wondering whatever happened to her. I even tried to Google her a few months ago.

And now, here she is, looking me up. I wonder what she thought when she saw my name on there. Does she ever feel guilty about what she did? Does she even realize how badly she hurt me? When she read my profile was she relieved my life has turned out so well, that she didn't ruin my life? Was she glad for me? Or does she still hate me?

Her profile gave her married name. Yeah, I did a search. I admit it.

She didn't come up anywhere. That's probably just as well. Obsession and stalking - not a good way to hang onto forgiveness and peace of mind.
___________________________________________

*Wards and Branches. Members of the Church are organized into congregations that meet together frequently for spiritual and social enrichment. Large congregations are called wards. Each ward is presided over by a bishop, assisted by two counselors. Small congregations are called branches. Each branch is presided over by a branch president, assisted by two counselors.