Because It Feels So Good When I Stop
The Little Demon Up The Street was here this morning. There has been snow (much excitement!) and they played outside, then inside, then outside again. Then Oldest Girl Child asked if she could go play at TLD's house. I told her, "No." She accepted it, albeit with a pout, and went back outside.
I just went to check on them and there is no sign of any children. I have no idea where my children are, but I'm willing to be they're inside TLD's house again.
I hate, hate, hate this. I don't want to have to be harsh with her. I've re-evaluated my stance again and again, but I can't see that I am being unreasonable. I need to know where she is. I need to know if she's inside someone's house. I cannot let her run wild around the neighborhood without accountability. The world is just too dangerous for that. All I ask is that she let me know where she is. I try to keep the Nos to a minimum. She still is fighting me on this, though.
I have to figure out what to do next. I have no idea what consequence to use next. She was grounded for a week this last time. Do I make her start checking in with me every 15 minutes? Ground her for longer? When I was little, I would have gotten a hairbrush, belt or wooden spoon to the bottom for this kind of behavior. I don't agree with that kind of punishment, but I do have to say it had its advantages. I would have been much too frightened to pull this sort of stunt (at least not twice.) But ruling that out still leaves me with a problem - how do I convince her to obey me without terrorizing her?
Can I quit this gig? Just go have a nice easy career solving world hunger, finding a cure for mental illness, or discovering the key to Faster Than Light travel? 'Cause that would be simpler than trying to raise my children to be responsible, capable adults, I think. Easier than trying to teach them to be independent while keeping them safe.
Or maybe I'll just go hit my head with a hammer. It'll make a nice change of pace.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
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Labels:
Daily Life,
OGC,
Rants,
YGC
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2 comments:
Advice #1 when you see that they are not there and assume that they are at TLD's house. Nip it in the bud pronto!
Blatant disregard for what you have said should not be tolerated. AT ALL.
Be mad, be livid, be the super mean mommy that makes her remember so that she won't do it again. Because if you give a little she'll take a lot!
Advice #2 Ground her from TLD. "If you don't obey me when she is around then she is not a good influence so you will not be playing with her for a week. If you continue to make bad decisions when you are with her then maybe we need to talk about whether you should be playing with her at all."
If she understands that her actions will cause worse damage by their continuing then she is able to make the decision for herself. It also won't blindside her.
when I was 14 (almost 15) and had a 'big fight' with dad. He and mom got mad and said they were going to take me out of school and never let me see my friends again. if your daughter is anything like me I will tell you right now she doesn't see her friend as bad and she will lash out.
If she knows what consequence her action will bring she will be able to make that choice knowing full well what will happen.
When I lived with our brother him and his wife did this. They mapped out exactly what I was and was not allowed to do. Down to, 'you can go to your friends house but if you leave friends house for somewhere else you must call and tell us you are doing so.' At first this made me furious. but it was an exceptional tool in making me accountable for my actions.
This is something she needs to learn now! and now at 18. It will make it all easier for both of you.
Merry Christmas!
Thanks for the perspective. This is good advice and it's nice to have the backup that I'm not out of line in my expectations. :)
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