A Jen Too Many

So, y'know, the question of the day is - How do I keep my sweet, darling, precious little angel from being sullied by her association with that nasty little hooligan over there, who is constantly finding ways to lure my little snookums into terrible acts of deception, manipulation, disrespect and general misbehavior?

No, really. Stop laughing, guys. I am serious!! How the heck do I keep my kid away from the bad influence of The Little Demon Up The Street? I have been wrestling with this all week.

The other day Oldest Girl Child went up the street to play with TLD. I had specifically told her that I didn't want her going inside to play. I wanted her to play outside. It wasn't that cold and after being in school all week she needed the exercise. Besides, playing inside with TLD tends to lead to trouble. Like the Nail Polish Incident. And the Deliberately Running Away And Excluding Youngest Girl Child Incident. Not to mention the TLD Lying To OGC And YGC About People Being Mad At Them Incident. And a host of other Incidents.

That day, I wanted to surprise the girls with a movie (a real movie, in a real theater with popcorn, even) so when it was time to go I went outside to call OGC home. There was no sign of her, so I went and knocked on TLD's door. There she was, inside, a guilty look on her face, absolutely and completely busted.

I talked with her when we got home. I was very calm and patient, but firm. (Really, I was. I didn't yell once. Not even a little bit.) I talked with The Love of My Life and Father of My Children and we agreed that grounding was appropriate. We did allow her to go to the movie with me and YGC since that is an unusual treat and it seemed overkill to take it away, but we gave her a choice. She could have a couple of extra days of being grounded, or she could stay home from the movie. (She chose the movie and the extra days of grounding, obviously.)

When we got home from the movie, OGC had a quiet talk with her father about the importance of obeying us and the dangers of going somewhere without telling us. Afterward he came to me, rather shaken up. He had gotten his first ever serious rebellion from OGC. As he described it to me, she wasn't bored, or distracted. She was flat out rebellious, taking a you-are-so-stupid-attitude toward him.

He wanted her to never play with TLD again, feeling that this attitude was not natural to OGC, but something she had picked up from her friend. Now, I've been thinking this same thing for awhile. As I said before, there have been a number of incidents with TLD that have more than alarmed me. I haven't felt comfortable with just banning her, though. I thought that would provoke further rebellion, and I wasn't sure how well I could enforce that rule since she just lives a few houses away. I did not want OGC playing up there with her anymore, though, since my attempts to keep control of the situation have been so easily undermined.

Soooo... We've been thinking this over this week. I expressed the feeling that we were looking at two ends of the spectrum, and we needed to find a third solution. Not to ban TLD forever, and not to let the situation (clearly a negative one) continue, but something else, something in between the two extremes. After thinking it over, and talking with a few people I trust, this is what we came up with:

She can keep playing with TLD, but it has to be over here, where I can supervise the situation. I even managed to put it to her in a way that didn't upset her. I explained that TLD's parents have a different way of looking at the world than we do, and it's not fair to expect them to make sure that OGC makes the sort of choices that we think are appropriate. Therefore, since our standards are the stricter, and since she plays over there so much anyway, it would only be fair to have TLD play over here. That would make things easier for TLD's parents, and give them a break from always having the kids there.

I am hoping, honestly, that TLD will not want to play here. If she does come over, though, I will make sure I stay in the same room as the girls and aggressively monitor what is happening. That will let me break up any bad behavior before it gets a foothold, not to mention allowing me to keep my peace of mind.

Can we do this? Can we Provide A Good Influence? Tame the Demon? Teach her to Play Nicely and Tell The Truth?

Time Will Tell ...